Now stranded, I decided to pay a visit to that man

Now stranded, I decided to pay a visit to that man I have sort-of been seeing. Unannounced, obviously.
It’s Valentine’s Day (technically) now and he would think this was totally loveable and spontaneous, right?
He didn’t.
It was 2am on a weeknight and he was asleep.

I liked Arron because he had nice hair and played guitar. Copyright: [Yahoo!]

He was especially not pleased to see me when I realised I had lost my phone AND my keys and had no means of getting home.
With not so much as a peck on the cheek I woke up in his house realising I had also cut my face in all the non-fun.
I now resembled a lop-sided gammy hamster in tights and a bra (tights should never be left on minus skirt – it always looks weird). I still had no house keys or phone. I was a lingerie-clad prisoner of my own making.
By this stage, he not unwilling to even get up, let alone aid my awful situation in any way. Because, as it now turns out, he is a bit of an inconsiderate dick.
However, he did muster the energy to say: 'I think you tell lies about losing things so I feel sorry for you to make me like you more', roll over, put Top Gear on and do a fart – because women love it when you insult and then gas them, obviously.


Following this adorable V Day gesture he said ‘see you later’ and I said ‘probably not’ before escaping.
To sum things up, with no way of ringing anyone and unwilling to face the shame of going into work in last night’s clothes I spent Valentine’s Day sitting in my car in a party dress with a swollen face waiting for my housemate to arrive home with spare keys.
If your Valentine’s Day beats that then please do get in touch – we should start some sort of support group, perhaps?
Maybe that spice rack wasn’t so bad after all.
[Read last week's: Grandad kisses, LinkedIn and Edward Norton: All the signs were there, yet I chose to ignore them all]